Wild Card ;

Hey peeps ! It's one of those nights again . 

When my brain just wouldn't let me off for the things i did in the past . 

Or rather , my conscience won't let me off . 

Technically there wasn't anything morally wrong , but i feel guilty . 

I have no idea why .

It could be small things like seeing a mother scold and drag her weeping angel across the mall . 

Or something bigger , like taking people for granted . 

No matter how many times i remind myself someone won't ALWAYS be there for me , and that i should be thankful for everyone at any point in time , there's always this one person i'd feel like i've taken him/her for granted . 

Maybe it's true . 

Maybe i took them for granted . 

Just because they always let me win , just because they were always there for me , just because they were everywhere i was -- i took them for granted . 

I expected them to be able to do that for me all the time . But i also kinda understand that my fiesty nature isn't something everyone could handle . 

Sigh . I don't think i'll be able to sleep well anytime soon . 

I feel so damn bad . Argh . 

I'm such a bad person . 

I think if there were such places as heaven and hell , there's a seat reserved for me in hell . 

I did soooo many bad things in life . 

Don't get me wrong . I have no criminal records or anything like that . 

What i mean by bad things are things i've done to make other people sad . 

Be it my family or friends . Or acquaintances . Or strangers . Or even animals . 

Sometimes i truly suspect why i'm here , where i am . 

Why not somewhere else . 

They say there's a reason for everything . 

I hope that before i die , i can find my reason as to why i'm here . 

I'm really unsure about everything now . 

Argh . 

I hate midnight thoughts . 

Why didn't i sleep earlier darn . 

You're the smell before rain,

You're the blood in my veins .

Before i get off this space , i'd like to tale a moment to thank everyone who has been in my life , past , present or future . 

I'm sure you'd bring me one step closer to finding out why i was put here where i am . 

You all make a difference to me . And for those who made a difference bigger than the rest , thank you . 

You're my pillars of strength and i can't imagine life without you all . 

Kudos to you for tolerating me as well . 

So much things to be thankful for , and my brain does it in one night . 

Magical huh . 

Love y'all ! Mwacks !! 

I'll blog more about this cake thingy next time . Not really a joyful mood tonight . I guess . 

Joy