Serendipity ;

Serendipity [noun] : A pleasant surprise .

HI GUYS .

Truth to be told, i've always loved italic words.

They just look super classy, especially so when you type it out.

Gosh i can't get over them. OK. Moving on.

I don't know why but my mind has been a blur today and everything is all just messed up.

I've never had such a day (for a really long time at least. I barely remember anything like this.).

First, i forgot about my doctor's diagnosis for my finger and had to go home to get it. (not to mention i broke my sandals in that process of rushing)

Then i messed up my hospital appointment date. It was scheduled for next week but something in my brain told me this week.

Lastly, i got confused of my class timing for tomorrow and thursday.

Overall, i was really confused throughout the day and i really couldn't see why.

I am still very confused how all of this has happened.

On the bright side, i had amazing company for the whole of today and it was not a day wasted, i'd say. (If i had a say)

Hmmmm i have no idea about you, but i'm currently the only one awake (or at least, active) in my entire household right now, and this is usually my favourite time to reflect on my days and i just wanted to share some viewpoints with you guys!

Sooooo. A really precious friend of mine recently told me about his insecurities. (I knew about them since really long ago, but i didn't see the significance of them till a few days back. And it's been bothering me ever since.)

Side-tracking a little : why am i using so many brackets lately .

Ok back to my topic.

All i can conclude about him is just.. Trust Issues.

Most, if not ALL, of us should have the experience of being betrayed, or left to fend for yourself.

If you have never felt that, please know how lucky you are to have met an amazing bunch of friends.

(Or maybe you just don't care, whichever way works)

I get that alot. And at this point in time, i really cannot be there, physically, for everyone whom i'd like to shower with my love and affection, but i would love for you to know that i am always here for everyone.

I don't even care if i know you personally or not. 

If you need help, and i can provide assistance, (reasonable ones of course) i would.

Because when i was left to fend for myself, i was at my absolute low, and nobody, I MEAN NOBODY, had the heart to help me. 

My emotions just spiraled down faster and faster, i really found it hard to stop.

I couldn't even have an escape from them because once they start eating you up, it doesn't really stop.

When i was depressed, all i wanted was for someone to genuinely care for me and help me out of this deep grave i have dug for myself to disappear from the world FOREVER.

And i would have too, for no one came forth, and time was ticking away.

What stopped me, which is kind of lame but don't judge me, was the lack of courage.

If i had left this world, my family are going to live the rest of their lives wondering what was worth killing myself over, as i have never breathed a word of my sadness to them; my haters would have loved to see that pale face of mine burn in the coffin; and my friends.. I really cannot say what they would feel.

So, walking a mile in my friend's shoes, i can totally see things the way he does. (Not that i know completely what he has been through)

And if i were to guess correctly, all he needs is someone.

WELL I MAY NOT BE THE SOMEONE HE NEEDS, but hey, if you guys have read my blog for long enough, you'd know i'd help curb depressed thoughts from anyone, if i can.

Basically, i live to spread Joy around the world.

(Yes i need to stop making puns out of my own name)

Till now, i highly doubt myself of making the right choice to stop that blade from sliding across my skin and ending my pains FOREVER.

That's not a lie at all.

But because of the shit people that i've been with in the past, i've met really inspirational, motivational, and encouraging people.

I've seen the most genuine care from these people around me in my life, and i've never felt so loved.

It really feels like home.

I know i've been blabbering on and on about them, but you must understand that i can't ever, EVER, be thankful enough to have them in my life.

It has been a blessing for me to have all of them with me right now, where we are, when we are, how we are, and why we are.

'We' is a vague term when referring to people, and 'People' is a vague term to refer to my loved ones.

No matter how much you'd love to scroll past my long and naggy and annoying message dedicated to the very people who support me in everything i do, i still have to say what i have to say.

For the people who have seen me through all my changes, from primary school, to secondary school, and till now. 6Courage, you've been such a great part of my life, and you're still the best memories i have till date. I love that you've never tried to change me, and you love me, and shelter me with all your care and concern. The cruelty of the world never hit me till i left you, mainly because i don't think devils would near angels like all of you are, and i've never really found the innocence we had then back. The 2 years that i've spent every weekday of my life with you has been so amazing, and i've never stopped looking back on those happy memories we had (mainly because i don't think i can), and i can barely believe we are still so connected to date. Everything you've given me will be held close to my heart for a REALLLLYYY long time and i thank you for all of that. You guys make up such a big part of my life.

For the people who have seen me through my worst in secondary school, and are still constantly lingering on my mind. Claudia, QiaoXuan, Junhao, Cedric, Reeduan, Qianliang and a few others (when i say few, it's really quite few), i can't imagine the amount of trouble i've put you through my bratty days and i am terribly sorry for all of it. Life wasn't as generous and kind to me as i'd have imagined for it to be, but you have never failed to make the sun rise through thunderstorms and i've never seen rainbows as vibrant as when you brightened up my days. I am extremely grateful to have met all of you and had so many great memories to keep. Even the bad memories are worth reminding myself of, simply because you have existed and kept me company throughout.

Last but not least, for the various groups of people i have met through the short course of 6 months in Ngee Ann Polytechnic. Psylocke, NPTKD, Bounos, T05, and the Deer Family. I can't bring myself to believe how much i was forced to step out of my comfort zone just to meet and get to know every single one of you, but the outcome has proven all of that to be more than just "worth it". You guys have made the saying that "School is your second home" come true, because i feel so comfortable to just be seated around you all, talking about the most random things under the skies, and even surviving the hardest of obstacles with any one of you seems enjoyable. You guys can make something small into something that i hold dearly because the thoughts that you put in for everything that you all do for me is something that i've never experienced before. It could be hard for you to believe, but stepping into Ngee Ann has made me a more affectionate person, and it was what truly inspired me to start spreading what i can share (a.k.a. love) to anyone who needs it. I never knew more genuine hugs and words and i appreciate all of you. These 6 months with you all, some even shorter, has made schooling soooooo precious, and all of you are such lovable people, i can't even comprehend what sort of an animal it takes to hurt any of you. I promise i will try my absolute best to give my best to you, and that i will do you guys proud someday. And please, don't ever think that you're not worth keeping. You may be (but never to me) a worthless pebble right now, but all diamonds come from black, icky stuff (a.k.a. carbon) too. 

I love every single soul that has been brought to me, and i really don't stop loving someone till they prove undeserving of it.

Even then, i feel like they deserve some love from someone else, maybe just not me.

I find it an honour to be able to stay right where i am, and shower all of you with my affection and love.

Joy