Bottled up ;

I need clarify one thing , i am not on PMS and this post was written some time after this has happened and is not a rash decision .

Today was pretty fine and everything . 
Except i was pretty frustrated with a few customers . 
I saw this lady come to our counter at least like 10 times today . 
IS THERE REALLY A NEED FOR SO MANY FREAKING HELLO KITTIES IN ONE HOUSE ? 

I mean , with you claiming so many , there are people out there who can't claim any just for being a day or two late and i think that's just selfish . 
Honestly . 

I don't want to say that's cheap , because that'd be REALLY rude . 

During lunch Kelly sabo me siah LOL .

Look at this qtpie . 
LOL so i did the dare a quarter way there and i was like fuck this . 
Because of one reply . 
Err sounds pretty weird but yeah . 

I sent one to Yongxun and he was freaking stunned . 
2/5 asked my what is wrong with me LOL . 
Danielle also ! 
(We don't text normally)

But she said it made her day and i was glad it did . 

Zav got it too and he was like "I FEEL THE LOVE MAN" . 
HAHAHAHA . 

After that i texted to Joel Poh and he was like WTF . 
LOL . 
I WAS LIKE , WHAT . ): 

After that i suay suay tio Keon la . 
So i did what i was supposed to do and he rejected me lol . 
Said we were barely acquaintances (i can't be bothered to check the dictionary so bear with me) , and told me to give up on it . 
And said Shawn told him about me . 
And it got awkward . 

And i got mad . 
I don't even regret shit . 
LOL .
I usually feel REALLY horrible after i lash it out at someone , but i swear this won't make it to that list this time .
I got mad to the extent i just rage and like  went on all my social network and made sure i got rid of anything and anyone that has to do with him . 
I didn't block him , but i unfollowed him and stuff . 

I don't want to remind myself of bad stuff anymore because being a good girl doesn't pay off anymore in the current society i don't even . 

I also unfollowed his friends (sorry to those who i actually really liked their photos with no strings attached) . 
And yeah . 

LOL IDK WHY I FELT LIKE DOING THAT . 
But i was actually pretty upset about it because i not only treated him as a friend , and i also did put in effort to bring us closer . 
Not only in the past . 

So i was quite sad . 
I didn't know he thought we were that distanced , because if not meeting each other would make the heart distance then my baby and i would be long gone and strayed from our path together . 
YaoKuan and i haven't met for 4 whole freaking years , not a single word . 

Things have changed but we share our experiances and we get close again . 

That's my point of view , but if it's different from another's then i don't see  a point anymore . 

I'm still pretty mad .
Now that i think about it . 
And my heart breaks all the time but it's fine . 

It's like a freaking cycle because i don't like the guys who like me and i like guys who are jerks to me and i have no idea why . 
I think i'm blind . 

Oh and to make this clearer , I AM NOT LOOKING FOR A BOYFRIEND . 

I am also able to use "I love you" freely only on texts . I tell that to everyone only because i feel EVERYONE has a right to be reminded of how loved they are . 

And because all teachers say "Treat others the way you want to be treated" . 

Even if not now , i want to be reminded constantly of how loved i am by people around me through words and actions . 

Also , to Keon or whatever , your words actually tore me up . 
Because to a girl that barely likes what she sees in the mirror everyday , your words can make a huge difference . 
If you think this girl has no right to like someone just for the sake of it then i will think that way . 
BECAUSE YOU PEOPLE MAKE ME THINK THAT WAY . 
Right ? 

I think i am so inconsiderate , lashing out online . 
But tbh , idgaf anymore . 
If people hurt me , then i don't mean enough to them for them to care . 
You get what i mean right ? 
If it was unintentional , forget it . 
If it was planned then i have nothing to say , GTFO . 

I actually bothered doing up things for your birthday . 
Near my 'O's . 

Remember that . 
That was how much i treasured you . 

With past tense . 

Sorry for making you readers read this crap . 
And it probably doesn't make sense and i still suck and am still ugly and nobody will love me so i give up . 

Guys suck . 
I'll just go marry food . 
And get a dog . 
And love the hell out of that poor animal .

I got love to share but if people don't nee or want it then i can't be bothered anymore . 

Life is fair right . 
I'm getting Karma for being such a bitch in the past ~ 

Mwahs for you despite everything . 
Because i love you .

I have never said that in real life to any guy . 
Never .

I say it only to the girls . 
So if that could be a pick up line , i would be lesbian . 
(What am i even talking about anymore)


Need i say more . Psh . 

Joy

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