The Way I See It ;
HI GUYS.
After a really long break from blogging, i have come back with a more serious and down-to-earth post.
If you realized, i've tried my best to keep my posts as motivational and as positive as possible.
However, it is not exactly legitimate if i have to say that i lead a completely happy life.
A good example would be how i lost all my 3 poomsae competitions today.
I'm still pretty upset about it so i shall keep the reflections for another day.
Back to how life is fair and i have my share of downs too, there are many things that i feel insecure about.
I would like to share all of them with you today, and hopefully you'll see me change and love myself more as a person.
1. THE FACE
As you can (probably) tell, i'm not someone you'd exactly call pretty.
I've always hated my nose since young because i thought it was quite big.
DON'T ASK ME WHY.
I JUST GREW UP LIKE THAT.
But as i grew older, acne issues came along with my sensitive and oily skin type (and also my laziness).
I don't have perfect skin, and in fact, it was at its worst form several days ago when my face broke out because of a new face wash.
I hated everything about my face because i didn't think i was good-looking enough for anyone to even set eyes on me.
I felt like ripping my skin apart just for them to grow back again (if they can that is).
How should i put it... I just think that if i was a guy, i'd never even look at me. Yep.
2. THE BODY
I was born pretty fuzzy.
By that i mean i am hairy.
Yep i said it.
Some guys tell me i'm hairier than them.
Can i just mention that i am so insecure about it because i grew up under many many pairs of watchful eyes and i was outcasted because i was different from the other girls.
JUST BECAUSE I INHERITED GENES FROM MY DAD DOES NOT GIVE ANYONE THE REASON TO SCAR MY CHILDHOOD.
I honestly dislike the people who made me so self-conscious abut myself, but then again, they are the ones who has shaped me to be much stronger since then.
Another issue is that i am not really well-endowed.
I have a really sporty body shape and i'm not the curvy girls that boys usually ogle over.
I don't usually have issues with this, but when i do, it's because some of my guy friends get quite insensitive and compare me to the other girls they know and it really doesn't make me like myself more.
Honestly, i'm just too sensitive and i take too many things too hard.
But really now, it takes two hands to clap.
Please be slightly more considerate for a girl with low self-esteem.
It'd make a difference i swear.
(this partially stemmed from my ex who really liked curvy girls and i always felt like i was never good enough for him)
3.THE MIND
I have very different thinking from normal people.
I don't think in the same way as most of you do.
I may be seemingly positive, but it could be just as deceiving as well.
I lean towards having a pessimistic way of thinking.
It is pretty beneficial because that means i have like back up plans for every possible worst case scenario.
BUT.
Because i am also a overthinker i usually end up preparing too much for something that has a less than 30% chance of screwing up.
Not only so, i have very very different interests from girls of my age.
I have once thought of signing on for National Service.
I enjoy martial arts of any form.
I love keeping fit (as long as i have the motivation to).
I don't really like flowers and all (because they DIE)
I also have a strong dislike for diamonds or whatsoever.
IDK EH. IF MY FUTURE BF BOUGHT ME ONE DIAMOND RING, I MAY OR MAY NOT MURDER HIM.
Guys let's get real, i'd rather spend that money on something else.
I don't like pastries of most sorts.
I can't actually take long shopping trips because i get bored. (food is the bae)
I'm not sure what exactly sets me aside from others, but i often end up being the only one who thinks in my way.
Perhaps there is someone out there who feels and thinks the same as i do, but i haven't found that someone yet.
(I am even surprised my thinking makes me insecure. which makes me overthink. then more insecure LOL.)
4. THE HEART
I am someone who is extremely spontaneous.
My heart makes a move faster than my mind does, so i sometimes end up doing things for people that result in questions like "eh why you suddenly do this for me" and i can't answer them at all.
Mainly because i don't know why either.
I don't like that alot as people may start thinking i'm weird, or that i stalk them and all, then avoid me once and for all.
IT HAPPENED BEFORE, DON'T TELL ME IT WON'T OK.
I sometimes feel no emotion at all.
Actually that is me most of the times.
This is one of the things that has made me so insecure about myself.
I don't know if i am complying with something because i want it, or because i am forced to.
I genuinely want to know what i want, but the thing is.. I don't.
Especially now that i am single again, it would appear that my heart has been turned back into stone.
The one who melted it and made me feel strong emotions has once again been chased away and put off by me.
I have no clue as to what i am doing with my life, sharing my insecurities and imperfections with people i barely know of.
But my life goal is to feel complete by myself, and to find someone who will accept me despite all of these insecurities that i have.
I have thought of many ways to solve them, but i have a feeling the best way to solve them for now is to stop overthinking like i am at this very instant.
Please don't judge me because i confessed everything here okay.
I'm just...
Gathering courage and making the first step to loving myself: Admitting i am not perfect.
And it is an absolute fact that i am not.
But it is also undeniable how honest i am when i say that i appreciate every one of your lingering souls that still stumble across this lifeless page.
I'll update soon with a more lively post okay.
LOVE Y'ALL.
Joy
After a really long break from blogging, i have come back with a more serious and down-to-earth post.
If you realized, i've tried my best to keep my posts as motivational and as positive as possible.
However, it is not exactly legitimate if i have to say that i lead a completely happy life.
A good example would be how i lost all my 3 poomsae competitions today.
I'm still pretty upset about it so i shall keep the reflections for another day.
Back to how life is fair and i have my share of downs too, there are many things that i feel insecure about.
I would like to share all of them with you today, and hopefully you'll see me change and love myself more as a person.
1. THE FACE
As you can (probably) tell, i'm not someone you'd exactly call pretty.
I've always hated my nose since young because i thought it was quite big.
DON'T ASK ME WHY.
I JUST GREW UP LIKE THAT.
But as i grew older, acne issues came along with my sensitive and oily skin type (and also my laziness).
I don't have perfect skin, and in fact, it was at its worst form several days ago when my face broke out because of a new face wash.
I hated everything about my face because i didn't think i was good-looking enough for anyone to even set eyes on me.
I felt like ripping my skin apart just for them to grow back again (if they can that is).
How should i put it... I just think that if i was a guy, i'd never even look at me. Yep.
2. THE BODY
I was born pretty fuzzy.
By that i mean i am hairy.
Yep i said it.
Some guys tell me i'm hairier than them.
Can i just mention that i am so insecure about it because i grew up under many many pairs of watchful eyes and i was outcasted because i was different from the other girls.
JUST BECAUSE I INHERITED GENES FROM MY DAD DOES NOT GIVE ANYONE THE REASON TO SCAR MY CHILDHOOD.
I honestly dislike the people who made me so self-conscious abut myself, but then again, they are the ones who has shaped me to be much stronger since then.
Another issue is that i am not really well-endowed.
I have a really sporty body shape and i'm not the curvy girls that boys usually ogle over.
I don't usually have issues with this, but when i do, it's because some of my guy friends get quite insensitive and compare me to the other girls they know and it really doesn't make me like myself more.
Honestly, i'm just too sensitive and i take too many things too hard.
But really now, it takes two hands to clap.
Please be slightly more considerate for a girl with low self-esteem.
It'd make a difference i swear.
(this partially stemmed from my ex who really liked curvy girls and i always felt like i was never good enough for him)
3.THE MIND
I have very different thinking from normal people.
I don't think in the same way as most of you do.
I may be seemingly positive, but it could be just as deceiving as well.
I lean towards having a pessimistic way of thinking.
It is pretty beneficial because that means i have like back up plans for every possible worst case scenario.
BUT.
Because i am also a overthinker i usually end up preparing too much for something that has a less than 30% chance of screwing up.
Not only so, i have very very different interests from girls of my age.
I have once thought of signing on for National Service.
I enjoy martial arts of any form.
I love keeping fit (as long as i have the motivation to).
I don't really like flowers and all (because they DIE)
I also have a strong dislike for diamonds or whatsoever.
IDK EH. IF MY FUTURE BF BOUGHT ME ONE DIAMOND RING, I MAY OR MAY NOT MURDER HIM.
Guys let's get real, i'd rather spend that money on something else.
I don't like pastries of most sorts.
I can't actually take long shopping trips because i get bored. (food is the bae)
I'm not sure what exactly sets me aside from others, but i often end up being the only one who thinks in my way.
Perhaps there is someone out there who feels and thinks the same as i do, but i haven't found that someone yet.
(I am even surprised my thinking makes me insecure. which makes me overthink. then more insecure LOL.)
4. THE HEART
I am someone who is extremely spontaneous.
My heart makes a move faster than my mind does, so i sometimes end up doing things for people that result in questions like "eh why you suddenly do this for me" and i can't answer them at all.
Mainly because i don't know why either.
I don't like that alot as people may start thinking i'm weird, or that i stalk them and all, then avoid me once and for all.
IT HAPPENED BEFORE, DON'T TELL ME IT WON'T OK.
I sometimes feel no emotion at all.
Actually that is me most of the times.
This is one of the things that has made me so insecure about myself.
I don't know if i am complying with something because i want it, or because i am forced to.
I genuinely want to know what i want, but the thing is.. I don't.
Especially now that i am single again, it would appear that my heart has been turned back into stone.
The one who melted it and made me feel strong emotions has once again been chased away and put off by me.
I have no clue as to what i am doing with my life, sharing my insecurities and imperfections with people i barely know of.
But my life goal is to feel complete by myself, and to find someone who will accept me despite all of these insecurities that i have.
I have thought of many ways to solve them, but i have a feeling the best way to solve them for now is to stop overthinking like i am at this very instant.
Please don't judge me because i confessed everything here okay.
I'm just...
Gathering courage and making the first step to loving myself: Admitting i am not perfect.
And it is an absolute fact that i am not.
But it is also undeniable how honest i am when i say that i appreciate every one of your lingering souls that still stumble across this lifeless page.
I'll update soon with a more lively post okay.
LOVE Y'ALL.
Joy
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