Bitxh please ;

Ok i know most of you reading know i do speak fluent vulgarities , but i am trying to cut down on doing that .

Since Singapore is a country where girls are expected to be demure . 

Not that i an succumbing to it , but i have to say it's pretty good for me if i am moving on to Child Psychology or the Integrated Events and Project Management course . 

DID ANYONE EVEN HEAR OF THESE COURSES BEFORE ? 

Cos my mum says they are super 冷门. 

Fyi , that means cold door (literal translation) , but what it means is that it's not popular or well known . :3

-chinese teacher to be-

LOL JK .

Ok this is just a rant , but my mum is so annoying . 

I don't even want to celebrate my birthday (i have no idea what is getting to me) BUT I JUST DON'T WANNA . 

I WANNA EARN SOME SHIT GODDAMN .

Though i changed shift , but i was really fine with the night shift . 

Idk why . 

Maybe the day before i have a night shift , then suddenly morning shift . 

Bam less sleeping hours . 

OH SHIT SLEEPING HOURS . 

Damn that could have been my best comeback . 

Ok whatever . 

I seriously hate this ok .

I don't eat cakes , they probably didn't remember anyway . 

From the looks of it , my dad forgot to place the order for the customised necklace he said he'd get me for my birthday . 

I have no idea why my family is so dysfunctional , but it just is . 

I just watched the "Why i am not proud to be singaporean" by Stephanie Koh , and i actually agree with her . 

Though i do serve my customers with a smile and put in the effort to small talk , some customers basically reject this LOL . 

I just have to shut up and deal with it . 

With a smile on my face . 

Nowadays "Sorry" and "Thankyou" are always on my tongue . 

Though not a bad thing , it just makes me more pushover-ish . 

Like as if i'm not already a huge enough of a pushover . 

Serious . 

I really can't bear to say no to someone . 

So i'm the "bullied" one . 

Whatever . 

Singapore can be amazing , but i think it needs to be happier . 

I may not completely agree with the video i watched , but majority of it makes sense . 

As a student who grew up in the standard family with unbelievably high expectations , i gave up my dream in primary school of being a dancer .

To study .

I really regret it up to this day .

I will definitely run back into the embrace of my passion , but since i am trying to be more financially independent , i am struggling with my cash hehehehe . 

I want to reward myself , and yet my mum decides i need to keep a stash with her . 

I think if she didn't do that , i'd be very rich , or very poor . 

Either way , i think i'd be happier . 

I know i sound too matured for a sixteen year old kid (turning seventeen in 2 days) , but i decide my life my own . 

I think i'm doing this as the oldest daughter of my family , to make my parents' flow of cash as fluent as possible with the least amount of worries . 

I have planned this since p6 (unbelievable but absolutely true) . 

My teachers were so shocked , they got speechless . 

They said it was an unnecessary worry , but my parents are not young and i'd love to prove my independence and reliability to them . 

I am the least reliable in the family to my mum . 

Let's just say although my dad is my fav , but my mum makes the rules . 

She is what made my low self esteem . 

Low confidence . 

My absolute resolution to stop living off them . 

While it is their duty to help me grow , all i want is her to trust me . 

Which is apparently that hard for her . 

16 years and counting . 

Even though she'd let me go out on my own as compared to my sis . 

Even though she makes me do more errands for her as compared to my sis . 

Even though i do more things for my sis . 

Whatever i do , i'm not enough . 

This is what she makes me feel . 

And this is exactly how i feel .

I'm indebted to her and yet my life is so miserable . 

I can't wait till everything falls into place . 

Joy