Excuses ;
It's not very early anymore but today was pretty good so far.
I got to strike off one assignment off the list and i feel great.
It's a load off my shoulder.
Last night i think i reached the limit.
I found myself soaking my shirts and bed sheets with salt water.
I really hate to admit this.
HAHAHA.
Can i just say that i hate doing that so much.
I feel ashamed to even mention that i cried.
I really forgot what made me think that being weak was such an embarrassment but yes it's a little too late for me to try and do shit about it.
People thought i was angry at them ?
But it really wasn't that at all.
It was more of guilt.
I was SO guilty i couldn't do more.
I wish i could split my body into more parts so i can actually do more for everyone but that is not possible.
There were so much more that i could have done but i didn't manage to.
I felt like a freaking mess.
My mum was not exactly helping by constantly blaming me for things i could not have predicted and i felt worthless.
I felt like i'm not enough.
And i try not to think like that because i ALWAYS tell people they are enough and are complete, so i try not to be an irony to them, but i guess there are days where i cave into my thoughts and i face it.
I face thefact thought that i'm not enough.
I try my best not to succumb to the thoughts i am very often left with.
So today was pretty therapeutic for me.
I just walked around, ate what i wanted to, bought things that made me happy, planned for better days, and maybe just soaked in the time that i got to actually be free for awhile before my assignments consumed me once more.
Currently i am drowning in my deadlines and everything that calls for attention but in 2 weeks things shall get better, and i know i'm not alone.
I couldn't find enough courage in me to reply to ALL the kind messages i got yesterday, and some of them made me tear up even more but i feel better today.
Tomorrow shall be better.
:)
To everyone having a hard time now with school work, or family, or life in general.
I hope you know you're not alone on this, and that you have people who are there for you.
If you don't have anyone for you, i hope that the fact that i feel you makes you feel better,
that it's okay you feel like this.
As long as it doesn't get into your head.
Joy
I got to strike off one assignment off the list and i feel great.
It's a load off my shoulder.
Last night i think i reached the limit.
I found myself soaking my shirts and bed sheets with salt water.
I really hate to admit this.
HAHAHA.
Can i just say that i hate doing that so much.
I feel ashamed to even mention that i cried.
I really forgot what made me think that being weak was such an embarrassment but yes it's a little too late for me to try and do shit about it.
People thought i was angry at them ?
But it really wasn't that at all.
It was more of guilt.
I was SO guilty i couldn't do more.
I wish i could split my body into more parts so i can actually do more for everyone but that is not possible.
There were so much more that i could have done but i didn't manage to.
I felt like a freaking mess.
My mum was not exactly helping by constantly blaming me for things i could not have predicted and i felt worthless.
I felt like i'm not enough.
And i try not to think like that because i ALWAYS tell people they are enough and are complete, so i try not to be an irony to them, but i guess there are days where i cave into my thoughts and i face it.
I face the
I try my best not to succumb to the thoughts i am very often left with.
So today was pretty therapeutic for me.
I just walked around, ate what i wanted to, bought things that made me happy, planned for better days, and maybe just soaked in the time that i got to actually be free for awhile before my assignments consumed me once more.
Currently i am drowning in my deadlines and everything that calls for attention but in 2 weeks things shall get better, and i know i'm not alone.
I couldn't find enough courage in me to reply to ALL the kind messages i got yesterday, and some of them made me tear up even more but i feel better today.
Tomorrow shall be better.
:)
To everyone having a hard time now with school work, or family, or life in general.
I hope you know you're not alone on this, and that you have people who are there for you.
If you don't have anyone for you, i hope that the fact that i feel you makes you feel better,
that it's okay you feel like this.
As long as it doesn't get into your head.
Lesson Learnt:
Don't let insecurities make you their home.
Joy
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