Caution Tape ;

WARNING: This is just going to be a self-depreciating post, so if you're need to be in a good mood today i suggest you read this another time or skip this entirely. :D

Ok so i've never considered myself someone good enough.

And everytime someone ACTUALLY tells me i'm good enough, i always convince myself that there are better girls out there and i'll never be as good as they are, and that i'll never deserve anyone better than i am.

I know, alot of people tell me i don't look like the person who actually doubts herself ????

And like people think i'm extremely extroverted and confident and is the kind of social butterfly that is just known by more people than average ?

But NO.

I will first say that nah i'm not that good?

Neither am i good enough to be 'popular'.

HAHAHAHA.

(But i secretly cover all of my insecurities by faking it till i make it, so ya i can self-praise but yknow.... I gotta support myself right?)

Once people get to know me better, they'll know i'm a pretty shit person honestly.

I can totally tell why many people dislike me or choose to unite themselves in the common belief that i suck. (Yes there are actually people who dislike me as a group LOL.)

Maybe it was a really horrific nightmare from my past that keeps haunting me and holding me back from being one step closer to being 'likeable'.

Maybe i'm just being to sensitive and all of these are just my imagination.

But i cannot help it.

I occasionally feel like i'm a really shitty person and don't deserve any of the people i have in my life right now because we're on TOTALLY different levels, like i'mm very sure i'd burn in hell and they'd all be angels to love someone like me.

And today just happens to be one of those days where i feel like i don't deserve it.

I don't really know why and i highly suspect my hormones but HEY.

IT HAPPENS HAHAHAH.

LET'S NOT BLAME WHAT I ALWAYS HAD AT THE BACK OF MY MIND ON SOMETHING I CANNOT CONTROL.

(But i will also not deny the fact that hormones never fail to make me feel like shit)

Ok so i've just been really irritable today even though it's Fathers' Day and i'm just so self-centered, i couldn't bring myself to be too happy after 4pm LOL.

So specific but ya.

I was darn high this morning but after that my mood just took a straight decline and all the bad thoughts came to me as the night fell.

Things seem to get more difficult when the sky gets dark and i am horribly curious why the nights always held the darkest secrets.

I would never doubt someone who told me they're afraid of themselves in the dark.

Because i once feared the same thing i guess.

But tonight has been especially difficult for me.

And i am currently doubting my worth in other peoples' eyes.

Honestly i would really want to seek comfort but i feel like it's abit troublesome to bother other people LOL.

ERRRR.

Well kids learn to regulate their emotions by having their teacher to calm them down and teach them to express their feelings right.

Because i'm the teacher, i guess i'll teach myself to regulate my emotions tonight as well HAHA.

Hopefully i feel better tomorrow and can actually train properly without trembling legs oops.

I guess i'm too hard to love.

Joy