'Almost' ;
Hey guyssss.
Back with a more wordy post.
I guess this space is reverting back to it's original purpose - for me to put my feelings somewhere and then get over it.
School has started but I've not really gotten back into the grind of it yet.
Things have kind of changed in the class whether i like it or not.
Honestly, my previous group project made some switches and i'm in a new group now.
Not that i mind this group - i love all my classmates and meeting every one of them was a blessing, they are all genuine girls and i'm lucky to have been with them for the past year.
It's just that i really thought i could stay with K and M for the rest of the year till we change classes for our specialty next year.
I'm not blaming them though.
Some things happened last sem and it was largely my fault.
So i can understand why they did it.
BUT.
It made things so awkward within us LEL.
I've never been awkward with M and still am not.
I guess she is the one i will look for in class if anything happened.
But K and i just got really awks.
Honestly i'm putting it out here so i know one day someone will read this and it will bite me back.
However, this is how i feel honestly and i didn't mention anything hurtful throughout so i hope if anyone reads this, you'd take this with an open heart.
I'm just kind of bummed out that i brought this on myself and wanna do something to make up for it i guess.
It's a good thing we swapped groups though, it could give me more motivation to do better in my projects i guess.
And and and.
I realized i've become more possessive with time.
I just cannot seem to share and get over it.
I have no idea why.
I used to give everything i had so so willingly.
I feel bad about myself because i feel like being selfish is such an ugly trait.
I'm also closing up to myself more and more and i can feel (and see) myself going back to who i was in secondary school - a really hateful person.
By that i mean someone who is easy to hate and not someone who hates everyone.
I really hope this is just a phase of adulthood and i will get over it soon.
I definitely do not want to be someone who is so so so selfish but i cannot seem to control my own emotions at times.
Or like i'd hold grudges so well, like my life depended on all these memories LEL.
My life is turning upside down again.
I am assuming i am not suited to be a great person.
Or rather, i am fated to go the hard way.
Not going to blame it though.
Thinking of my secondary school days, it did make me a better person for a while.....
Until now that is.
So i hope after this i will become an even better person.
I'm not aiming to the best, neither am i denying that humans will never be perfect,
but i just want to try and be the closest to that as possible.
Joy
Back with a more wordy post.
I guess this space is reverting back to it's original purpose - for me to put my feelings somewhere and then get over it.
School has started but I've not really gotten back into the grind of it yet.
Things have kind of changed in the class whether i like it or not.
Honestly, my previous group project made some switches and i'm in a new group now.
Not that i mind this group - i love all my classmates and meeting every one of them was a blessing, they are all genuine girls and i'm lucky to have been with them for the past year.
It's just that i really thought i could stay with K and M for the rest of the year till we change classes for our specialty next year.
I'm not blaming them though.
Some things happened last sem and it was largely my fault.
So i can understand why they did it.
BUT.
It made things so awkward within us LEL.
I've never been awkward with M and still am not.
I guess she is the one i will look for in class if anything happened.
But K and i just got really awks.
Honestly i'm putting it out here so i know one day someone will read this and it will bite me back.
However, this is how i feel honestly and i didn't mention anything hurtful throughout so i hope if anyone reads this, you'd take this with an open heart.
I'm just kind of bummed out that i brought this on myself and wanna do something to make up for it i guess.
It's a good thing we swapped groups though, it could give me more motivation to do better in my projects i guess.
And and and.
I realized i've become more possessive with time.
I just cannot seem to share and get over it.
I have no idea why.
I used to give everything i had so so willingly.
I feel bad about myself because i feel like being selfish is such an ugly trait.
I'm also closing up to myself more and more and i can feel (and see) myself going back to who i was in secondary school - a really hateful person.
By that i mean someone who is easy to hate and not someone who hates everyone.
I really hope this is just a phase of adulthood and i will get over it soon.
I definitely do not want to be someone who is so so so selfish but i cannot seem to control my own emotions at times.
Or like i'd hold grudges so well, like my life depended on all these memories LEL.
My life is turning upside down again.
I am assuming i am not suited to be a great person.
Or rather, i am fated to go the hard way.
Not going to blame it though.
Thinking of my secondary school days, it did make me a better person for a while.....
Until now that is.
So i hope after this i will become an even better person.
I'm not aiming to the best, neither am i denying that humans will never be perfect,
but i just want to try and be the closest to that as possible.
I guess i just want someone to tell me they are proud of me someday.
Joy
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