愛 ;

Time has passed in the bat of an eyelid.

I have experienced (almost) 6 months of 2024, and marriage.

And now I'm a house-owner. 

I took on many many roles in the time that I didn't know how to make through.

I am an employee, a HR, a daughter, a sister, a wife, a coach, a partner, a daughter-in-law.

I am me. 

And I am also many many other roles.

Now that I have my own little nest just like I always imagined, I wanted to take this time to also reflect on myself.

We have progressed, grown, and learned so much in the last few months.

I have learned through being a wife, what it means to be a partner at home. 

To have to do my own laundry every few days.

Pick up after ourselves.

Change our bedsheets on time.

Wash our towels.

Pack our cupboards and storeroom.

Stock up our kitchen.

And it has been so fun.

To put up things that we like.

Buy food we enjoy.

Cook what we want to eat.

Sit in our bed together with wine and cheese.

Space out on the sofa i chose, in the living room we painted and cleaned.

With the lights we changed out.

At the table we brought from home.

Ah.

So this is how it feels.

To have somewhere you always feel like you belong.

To have a place you always want to come home to.

Somewhere you are excited to close off work for the day to rest. 

We hosted our first housewarming with the kids.

My husband is an introvert.

We attended our first wedding together - his best friend's. 

We leave and go home together.

I never realised how revitalising these small things I used to find a pain are now.

I now know, what it means to be in the right crowd that gives you life.

I'm so grateful, that I'm in the right place, at the right time.

I have learned, through being a daughter and a daughter-in-law, the importance of balancing the two families.

Both are now important, how do we spend time among the two houses.

Perhaps it might have already been a tough task to be filial to your own parents - patience, understanding, respect, and more.

And now there are more people you have to treat with the same amount of love and care.

Perhaps it should have been a difficult problem.

But i'm trying to be grateful.

That both sides of my family have been trying to understand me as well.

That this is all of our first time marrying off a daughter, welcoming a daughter-in-law, gaining a son-in-law, having a new family member after so long.

Maybe we all just need time.

Maybe we all just need a little bit of space and a bit more understanding from each other.

To be patient and kind even though it might be hard.

Maybe I'm still learning.

And that should be okay.

At least I know I'm not alone.

At least I still have a home to go to.

I have learned through being a coach, what it really means to be a teacher.

Don't get me wrong. 

I've been teaching since I was 17? Interning as a childcare teacher. 

Then moving on to officially coach at a young age of 20. 

Perhaps I was just as much of a student as I was a coach back then.

I was still young and figuring out what was the best way to teach, coach, and help the kids learn.

Along the way, I found a style that suits me. It might not work for everyone, it might not agree with everyone's idea, but it works for me.

And I'm endlessly grateful for the parents I work with.

They text me with trust - asking me for my opinions on their kids' growth, how they can move on from here. 

The kids look up to me for directions and tips.

My partners listen to my ideas and give me more opportunities.

I may not have been a successful person in this lifetime, but I'll be grateful knowing I left a legacy behind in these children that I coach.

And it's even more magical when they recognise that they ARE the legacies I will leave behind.

Maybe there are still more things I have yet to learn and experience.

However, there has been so many moments in my recent life which I recall myself once craving so badly for.

When "things fell into place". 

When "times are going to be better".

And here I am.

The Joy today is a 27-year-old, who has her life somewhat figured out.

She's still abit lost, still growing, still learning, and her eyes are still sparkly.

Today, I look back on the 16-year-old I once was. 

The Joy who didn't know how she was going to make it through another day, another week, another month, another year.

The Joy who thought her life is just going to be a walk in the rain, maybe even just constantly navigating a storm, a flood, a resemblance of hell.

I have been gathering courage to do so, but I want to tell the 16-year-old I once was, 

"Good job, thank you.".

It sounds so simple, yet means so much.

Good job, for making it past the darker times. 

For surviving until you could live.

For trying to untangle all the mess even when it felt so futile.

Thank you, for forgiving yourself for not being able to be okay all the time.

For accepting yourself just the way you are.  

For learning to be okay with the fact that life is always going to be a little crazy.

For learning to forgive people who hurt you, and let things go.

The Joy today has everything she wanted.

She has a job she likes, colleagues who are good, a family who will always welcome her with open arms.

More importantly, she found a best friend for the rest of her life in the form of a husband. 

She found the love she always wanted.

The love that makes her never jealous of any other love.

The love that makes her a better person.

Maybe back then young Joy wished someone would write songs about her.

But her husband writes poems. 

He writes and writes about her.

He speaks of her kindly, tenderly, lovingly. 

His words string up to be better than the lyrics of 2024 love songs.

I made it.

I didn't turn out to be the person I wanted at all.

I am not perfect at all.

But God knows, I'm happy.

Thank you for being here. 

Joy