Loving You Is Poetry ;

Life lately has been as fulfilling as it is tiring.

Days go by so quickly i almost forget how fast time slips by.

How has life been for you?

These days, i spend any extra time i have just thinking and pondering about the kind of future i envision for myself.

When i was younger, i've always envisioned someone alongside of me, building a home that belongs to two of us, and travelling the rest of the world together. 

I imagined decorating the space we spend our days in together, having a pet or two, waking up to someone beside me, and having someone to dance in the kitchen at night with.

Now that i'm older, reality seems to be hitting me quite hard. 

It took me the last few years to grow to accept that i might not be able to find someone who wants to build a home with me, or that a relationship is going to be transactional.

That i might really end up living the rest of my life alone, and i'll have to be okay with it.

I mean, it's not something that can be forced, and it's a largely luck and fate i guess? 

Maybe this is just how things are meant to be? 

And there's nothing wrong with being alone - don't get me wrong.

A home is still a home with or without someone else.

You can live alone, and if the space feels like home to you, that IS home.

But i guess i've always desired a connection beyond skin-deep intimacy, and that just gets harder to find as days pass.

And that's still okay.

There's no fault in the right things taking time.

I guess?

But maybe i'm just not patient enough for that.

Lately i feel like i'm behind my own schedule.

I feel like i've lost abit of my sight, on where this life will go, and how this life will play out.

And i guess it's part and parcel of life - nothing ever goes the way you planned for it to.

That's part of the beauty of it.

And yet, i can't help but feel anxious.

I wish we had a manual, or like those guidebooks, that tell me when this life expires, how to use this life, and some directions. 

Unfortunately, that's not how life works.

So with that, i guess i'll spend another few more years pondering on the purpose of this, and how i can make the best of this life that i feel has lost all sense of direction.

Perhaps it's my time to explore, and find more meaning to this. 

And maybe, for once, i can come out victorious and not just scarred.

Likewise, to you, if you're wandering and pondering on the deeper meaning of life, i hope you find it.

I hope you come to peace with what you have, and i hope you're content with what you get.

Perhaps, we may all be happy in the end.

Maybe we won't. 

But i hope we will all find this worth it in the end.

To know that we gave it our best, and that's all that matters.

May we remain curious, happy, and content.

Goodnight fellow ponderer. 

Joy