Not Okay Without You ;

Hello there!

How have you been?

I've been struggling to make it through some days, but I guess I've been surviving still, so that's something right?

Days have been rough, but we're working things out.

Slowly.

One day at a time.

And I'm okay with that. :)

Lately my mind hasn't been a very nice place to be, and I don't have the energy to pack up in there.

More doubts come into mind, as I hear the things that people say to me.

I know people don't mean it when they say some things, but it's just really hard for me to differentiate them when I place so much importance on all of your words. :")

I hate it the most when people tell me they don't want to spend time with me.

Or that spending time with me is tiring.

Or that they cannot stand being with me.

It's kinda sad because you're using one of my love language (words) to deprive me of my other love language (quality time). :"""")))))

A whole irony.

I mean, I know it's tiring too. I guess.

I can only imagine spending time with myself HAHA.

But ok - I guess this is part of accepting that not everyone will like me. 

And I am not okay with it now, but I will learn to be.

I can learn to like spending time by myself enough so I won't need others to spend as much time with me :")

In other news, I've been feeling very overwhelmed with the number of people who have grown to love me over the years. 

And I have been taking time to appreciate the fact that my friends have slowly learned to love me the way I need, or to learn my habits and identify when I'm slowly slipping away.

These are small things, but thank you guys for making me feel so... loved.

I feel more like a kid with you beside me. :)

I feel more loved with you guys in my life.

Thank you.

Thank you for always making time for me, for listening to me, for telling me.

For affirming me. For reminding me. 

Especially to you Cedric, thanks for being my bestfriend over the last decade, and the rest of our lives to come.

Thank you for learning to deal with me, even when we're nothing alike. 

Thank you.

I could be drowning, but I can learn to stay afloat until the next island with you all by my side.

:)

Joy