Lemons ;

Life always decides to throw lemons at me, and depending on mood, sometimes i decide to squeeze it and make lemonade, other times i accidentally squeeze it in my eyes.
LOL.
(i know alot of you think that is a legitimate scenario that could happen, and you're probably right.)



But anyway, as of late, i think i haven't been that positive a person, and i haven't been dutifully penning down all my thoughts.
I haven't found a safe place to vent things out anymore, and it's getting slightly unhealthy.
In light of #WorldMentalHealthDay (who am i really kidding), JK HAHA.
Let's not make light of mental health issues with my problems.

In any case, I have kinda found my comfort - throwing myself into the cold arms of work and school.
No they will not embrace me because they usually just punch me in the guts but sometimes we all need that wake up call, y'all feel me ???

No ?????

Okay then.





I mean i really just find it more worth it sometimes to hurt over something that will reward me somehow ba.
Money, Grades.
At least they do me some good.

Rather than drowning in misery given to me by people who may not prove themselves to be worth this much love at all, i guess at least money and grades could ensure me a safe future for myself.





I've lost much hope in the past few months, but i've been slowly recovering from all that.
Which is something i think is worth giving myself a pat on the back for.
Hehe.

I am really thankful to always have people beside me when i need to crawl up from some hell hole ba.
Even if these people constantly change (even if i hope and pray for them to stay), i'm just glad i have someone to rely on when i need them.
I believe i'll one day find someone i can truly call a friend for life, and someone who will stick with me through thick and thin till the end of time.
I really do.

And to the special one that literally took up most of my childhood HAHA.
Wow it's seriously been so long ?!?!?!
I hope one day our paths cross once again and i'll be able to (finally) tell you how proud you could be of me and all my achievements, that i can finally listen to you and all your thoughts as a qualified person.
That you can now trust me to solve the puzzle in your mind and put your pieces together again.

I haven't come to this conclusion easy, it took me years of thinking and lots of talking but i truly wish the best for you.

You'll always have a really special place in my heart and memories.

I'd be grateful to even have you tell me you understand what i'm talking about, and just bring me to the weirdest of places in Singapore like you used to.

It's been years !
And i finally moved on from our friendship.

Depressing but also liberating and forgiving to myself.
I want to stop blaming myself and thinking if anything would have changed if i made a different choice.
I think it'll all turn out for the better, i hope.






In any case, happier things !

Have just been so thankful to my uni bunch recently.
Especially Juno ?????
Like she's the only person i'd tell everything to, and i hope this time nothing ends up wrong and we'll have to break up like all my other bestfriends did HAHAHA.
(sad but definitely true so maybe it's me *cries*)

And also Wenkai, for constantly listening to my whining and caring for me and dropping me texts of concern every now and then to make sure i'm okay.

Like what did i do to deserve friends like these really.
I'm so happy.

(And also Nat for always giving me advice and listening to my rants, relating to me and telling me about his experiences honestly.)

I'm glad i'm the youngest so i can listen to all their stories.
I'm glad i found a group i relate to.
I'm glad i came to this university.





Also !
To spread the happier vibes around, STORY TIME !!

I was running to work the other day in SUPER heavy rain and i left my umbrella at my workplace (how ironic), so i was literally getting drenched + i was wearing white.
(All girls relate to this right?)
Ok i work at The Grandstand at Turf Club there which is damn ulu so there's not much shelter in.
I had to run quite a distance to get to the next shelter.

But this car suddenly horned at my sorry ass while i was running and i was like "whutttt CMON IMMA GET MORE WET PLS DON'T STOP ME *internally crying*".
Turns out this female driver, offered me a ride into Grandstand since she was picking up someone there too and i seriously was so moved cos no one did this for me before and i was really damn touched.
She saved me from the rain, and it was nothing big, but it was definitely something not everyone would have done for a stranger, since i had a few cars drive past me before this car stopped to pick me up.

A huge thank you to this stranger for making my entire week and i was really damn thankful.
You made me believe good karma perhaps existed.
I really really really am thankful for that short car ride that not only saved me from getting drenched, but also getting to work earlier to freshen up.
I appreciate this so much.






Life might not have always been good to me, throws lots of lemons at me, but i guess it's a good thing i love sour stuff ????

HAHAHA.
Occasionally throw me a few packs of sour patches instead of lemons ???
That'd be alot better.


I'm still on my journey to learn to love myself, and be thankful for everything that may come my way.
I do not believe i am guarded by anyone above, but if i am, i am thankful.
If i'm not, then i believe that better things will come if i keep working hard now.
So that's what i'll do.




If you're lonely on your journey, perhaps you could join me.







Let's work on ourselves together, but also separately.
If you know what i mean.




I'm excited to keep working on this.
I want to be so positive and shiny that everyone's eyes will blind if i blast my positive beam at them.
Kiddy, i know.
Shut up and let me dream.





I hope you're doing good.
Otherwise, the chatbox is fixed and i'm free to chat.
LOVE Y'ALL.
KEEP DOING YOU AND KEEP SHINING.

Joy