Projection ;

There has been many days recently, where emotions flood my mind but i have no words to describe them.

I'm readily overwhelmed by the emotions that i experience and i'd like to say it's a thing i hate about myself.
I really dislike the fact that i feel too deeply, as a person.
I personally think it's a curse to feel so deeply and extremely.
To love and hurt like the world is at my beck and call, like there is nothing that could hurt me.




At the same time though, it makes me happy like no one else would.
To be foolishly happy at the smallest things, that's a small blessing that makes me overlook the largest flaw.




I'm torn between appreciating myself as i am, and wanting to improve myself at the risk of feeling inadequate.
I'm terrible at making decisions for myself, and i really don't want any responsibilities at all.

I want a lighter weight upon my shoulders.

I want a smaller world, and yet i make my world to consist of so many people, many of which may not even consider me as part of anything.
And then that makes me miserable.
It takes a toll on my self-esteem and breaks me down.

I'm just a horrendous mess when it comes to living and loving, and i really want a break from life in general.




I wonder if it'll be difficult.

I've seen so many people tell me how difficult it is to bid life goodbye and yet i seek the day i could be free from this.
Maybe i have not yet learnt the meaning of being alive and to truly embrace that meaning.





Maybe that's why i'm given more time, till i finally figure how this thing works out.

Afterall, we all entered life without reading the manuals.
We also entered life like how we enter agreements - forgetting to read the fine print.



So i guess there were some terms and conditions to living that i must have overlooked and played myself right into the trap.







But it's okay i'll try to remain positive and seek out a meaning good enough to continue looking forward to tomorrow.

(I really just want to be happy everyday.

Please let me be.)

Joy