I Loved You to the Moon and back ;
HELLOOOO.
It hasn't been all that cheery for me today considering i messed up.
(because i only slept like 1.5 hourslast night this morning.)
On a brighter note, i finished almost all my assignments, leaving me with my last assignment:
LADEL.
Feeling kind of moody because i'm on the verge of falling sick. :c
So annoying. I hate falling sick.
Especially cough and flu. Just because i take forever to recover from them once i catch the bug. T.T
DID I MENTION I HAVE A SMALL BREATHING TUBE.
It's technically because i coughed too much once. And bam.
Burdened for life. Unless i go swimming. Which i unfortunately am not good at.
Ok moving on.
Have you guys ever thought about the worst thing(s) someone could ever say to you?
I think mine would be "I expected too much from you.".
Like bruh, if that person said this to you, they probably thought highly of you and they had expectations for you.
They know you that well to even have expectations from you.
But once they say that line..
You better know that means you've disappointed the shit out of them.
You not only ruined their expectations for you, they probably changed their opinion of you too.
I'm not someone you should harbour expectations on.
But at the same time, you can't give me hope as well.
I think i'd be the happiest if i had no expectations of anyone, and when everyone do not expect anything from me.
For one, i'm easily stressed out. If someone had a basic standard for me, you can be sure my aim is to exceed that and make that person proud.
But if i do not even hit that target.. You can forget about talking to me for the next week.
I'd probably be wallowing in self-disappointment, and deep reflection.
I'd hate if i disappointed someone badly.
I just hate that feeling.
Because i know how it feels like to be disappointed in someone.
The thing about me expecting things from people is that..
I like to get back the same amount of love and care (or more. or near there. plus-minus la hor) that i have injected into that person.
I don't find it unfair if i got back less, because being able to give is a blessing itself.
But it's just that, i can't possibly give everything and receive nothing in return.
I may have a lot of love to give, but receiving too little makes me lose hope.
Even the most (seemingly) limitless wells of love run out.
Then when people disappoint me, i feel like it was my fault to begin with.
"Why did i even expect so much from them. Now it gives them stress."
THAT KIND OF THINKING GOES THROUGH MY BRAIN.
EVERY MINUTE.
EVERY SECOND.
I feel like the worst asshole in the world.
Not a saint, but why be a sinner right.
Expectations ruin so so many things and i feel like giving up on them.
But it just builds up subconsciously in my mind.
God dammit i really need to stop overthinking small things like this.
I have bigger things to worry about.
Like something that will actually happen.
Ugh whatever i just need a lot a lot of sleep.
And i've got great news.
JERE CAME HOME TODAY YAY.
He went to Cambodia for about 2 weeks.
And he's finally home whoopppppp.
We don't get to meet up often nowadays but yeah.
Knowing he's around is good enough.
I should be thankful for the small things.
That'll make me happier.
(hopefully)
Alrightys then, have a great weekend my lovelies.
I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH.
MWACKSSSSS
Joy
It hasn't been all that cheery for me today considering i messed up.
(because i only slept like 1.5 hours
On a brighter note, i finished almost all my assignments, leaving me with my last assignment:
LADEL.
Feeling kind of moody because i'm on the verge of falling sick. :c
So annoying. I hate falling sick.
Especially cough and flu. Just because i take forever to recover from them once i catch the bug. T.T
DID I MENTION I HAVE A SMALL BREATHING TUBE.
It's technically because i coughed too much once. And bam.
Burdened for life. Unless i go swimming. Which i unfortunately am not good at.
Ok moving on.
Have you guys ever thought about the worst thing(s) someone could ever say to you?
I think mine would be "I expected too much from you.".
Like bruh, if that person said this to you, they probably thought highly of you and they had expectations for you.
They know you that well to even have expectations from you.
But once they say that line..
You better know that means you've disappointed the shit out of them.
You not only ruined their expectations for you, they probably changed their opinion of you too.
I'm not someone you should harbour expectations on.
But at the same time, you can't give me hope as well.
I think i'd be the happiest if i had no expectations of anyone, and when everyone do not expect anything from me.
For one, i'm easily stressed out. If someone had a basic standard for me, you can be sure my aim is to exceed that and make that person proud.
But if i do not even hit that target.. You can forget about talking to me for the next week.
I'd probably be wallowing in self-disappointment, and deep reflection.
I'd hate if i disappointed someone badly.
I just hate that feeling.
Because i know how it feels like to be disappointed in someone.
The thing about me expecting things from people is that..
I like to get back the same amount of love and care (or more. or near there. plus-minus la hor) that i have injected into that person.
I don't find it unfair if i got back less, because being able to give is a blessing itself.
But it's just that, i can't possibly give everything and receive nothing in return.
I may have a lot of love to give, but receiving too little makes me lose hope.
Even the most (seemingly) limitless wells of love run out.
Then when people disappoint me, i feel like it was my fault to begin with.
"Why did i even expect so much from them. Now it gives them stress."
THAT KIND OF THINKING GOES THROUGH MY BRAIN.
EVERY MINUTE.
EVERY SECOND.
I feel like the worst asshole in the world.
Not a saint, but why be a sinner right.
Expectations ruin so so many things and i feel like giving up on them.
But it just builds up subconsciously in my mind.
God dammit i really need to stop overthinking small things like this.
I have bigger things to worry about.
Like something that will actually happen.
Ugh whatever i just need a lot a lot of sleep.
And i've got great news.
JERE CAME HOME TODAY YAY.
He went to Cambodia for about 2 weeks.
And he's finally home whoopppppp.
We don't get to meet up often nowadays but yeah.
Knowing he's around is good enough.
I should be thankful for the small things.
That'll make me happier.
(hopefully)
Alrightys then, have a great weekend my lovelies.
I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH.
MWACKSSSSS
Joy
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